


The Spy Who Loved Me (And My Nephew)

by Krissielee



Category: Bridget Jones's Diary - All Media Types, Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krissielee/pseuds/Krissielee
Summary: “You’ve laughed in the faces of genocidal dictators, wrestled still-smoking guns from would-be assassins, and poisoned mob bosses without breaking a sweat, and you’re intimidated by an infant?”Harry Hart might be a master spy, but he never expected to need to be adept with childcare.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mockingjaybee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mockingjaybee/gifts).



> So this is MONTHS overdue for my sweet Jaybee. It's not my best work, but I'm tired of it mocking me in my unfinished folder.
> 
> Titled and betaed by AnnaofAza, who's a total dear for helping me out. Any leftover mistakes are mine for either not listening to her or re-editing after. <3
> 
> Sorta Bridget Jones crossover--the Harry's got a twin brother and it's Mark trope, yay.

“You want me to _what_?”

“Just watch William for the weekend. Harry, you know I wouldn’t ask this of you otherwise, but Mark and I need just a few days. Please.” Bridget was whining a bit, and Harry knew just how she’d snared his brother when she looked so earnest. For a long time, she’d been rather a mess, but Mark insisted that the intervening years had helped her grow and mature. Mark loved her dearly, and really, that was good enough for Harry

And William was only a year old. Harry Hart, master spy, had saved the world and still made it home in time for tea more times than he could count. He’d survived a bullet to the brain with minimal lasting damage, and he was privy to more state secrets than even the Queen. He had dealt with the dregs of humanity for nearly his entire life and come out still an objectively good man.

How hard could it be to take care of a toddler for two days?

\--

Very hard, apparently.

Harry was already at his wit’s end, after only three hours with William scream-crying for his mummy and daddy, and he didn’t know what to do. There were mashed peas on his glasses, toys everywhere after William had thrown them, and Merlin’s only help was to laugh and mute Harry’s pleas for aid:

_“You’ve laughed in the faces of genocidal dictators, wrestled still-smoking guns from would-be assassins, and poisoned mob bosses without breaking a sweat, and you’re intimidated by an infant?”_

_“I can’t poison my nephew.”_

_“You’re on your own, Arthur.”_

Harry was going to make the quartermaster suffer for that. He wasn’t sure how just yet, but the man would regret leaving Harry to endure this torture alone.

William wailed again, and Harry winced. He needed help, and he wasn’t too big to admit it. He reached for his mobile, swallowing what was left of his pride as he found Eggsy’s number.

“Harry!” Eggsy sounded pleased to hear from him. That was a good sign. Maybe he’d be open to help where Merlin wasn’t. “Ain’t you off today? Why’re you callin’?”

“I need you.” Eggsy’s shocked silence was his only reply. “I’ve been tasked with sitting for my nephew this weekend, and I’m rather … underprepared for such an endeavour. I need your help.”

“Al’ight. How old’s he? You got movies an’ sweets an’ shit for ‘im?”

“I … no.” Harry hadn’t thought of any of that, and he was a bit embarrassed that he’d let his pride get the best of him so completely. “He’s one and I’ve only got the bag he was dropped off with and you’ve seen my house. I’m not really … baby-ready.”

There was a bit of shuffling from Eggsy’s end, muffled voices and such, but Harry resisted speaking until Eggsy replied.

“Right. Gimme twenty minutes. Me an’ Dais’ll be right over to help, yeah?”

“Thank you, Eggsy,” Harry said, relieved.

“Hey—s’fine, guv. You’d do the same for me.”

Harry could hear the lie in those words, but he appreciated Eggsy lying like that right at the moment. “Of course I would.” After all, he’d try to endure anything for his young protégé; helping watch his sister was the least he’d do to keep Eggsy smiling.

\--

Eggsy and Daisy showed up twenty-eight minutes later. Twenty-eight minutes during which William had cried so hard he nearly threw up, and Harry had sworn loudly after tripping over a toy train, causing a moment of illogical panic that William would pick that moment to begin speaking. Mark would never forgive him if his son’s first words were “fucking hell.”

Daisy beamed up at Harry, wrapping herself around his legs as Eggsy slipped inside, two huge bags over his shoulders. “Right, where’s the little one?” he asked, dropping the bags on the floor. Harry motioned weakly to the living room, where William was still shrieking. Eggsy walked right past Harry and picked up the small boy, making silly faces and noises until William calmed down.

“How did you do that?” Harry asked, taking Daisy’s hand to lead her into the living room.

“Just held ‘im,” Eggsy said, tickling William. “Has he eaten? Bet you’s hungry, ain’t you, babe?” he went on, Harry completely forgotten about as he carried the infant to the kitchen.

Daisy tugged her hand free from Harry’s and followed Eggsy. Harry, to his credit, was only shocked for a moment; he had no idea how to interact with children, especially those too young to elaborate their thoughts clearly.

Eggsy had William set in the high chair and was half-hidden in the fridge, talking out loud as he pulled out some vegetables and yoghurt.

“Right-o, William, we’s gonna give you somethin’ sweet, al’ight? But you gotta eat some carrots, too,” Eggsy said, tickling the small boy as he passed by to get a bowl for the food. “Harry, would you mind fixin’ up somethin’ for the rest of us to eat? Toasted cheese’ll be fine—William might even want a bite or two.”

“Is that _safe_? He’s so young,” Harry asked before he could stop himself. Suddenly he was imagining his nephew choking and his brother—or, more likely, his sister-in-law—murdering him.

“O’course, guv! He’s got teeth; he can eat solids!”

Harry hadn’t thought of that. Mark hadn’t given him any indication of that, hadn’t really told him much about how to care for a child.

Clearly, Mark had too much faith in his brother’s abilities.

“I’ll do up toasties,” Harry said, mildly chastened at how easily Eggsy got William calm. He looked good holding the baby, too—for a moment, as he started the sandwiches, Harry entertained the thought that Eggsy was holding his own son, the son he was raising with Harry. But those thoughts were just fantasies; Harry would never have Eggsy as his own.

Daisy was babbling to William, too, entranced by the baby and asking Eggsy questions about him. Eggsy, to his credit, kept up the conversation after he realised how out of depth Harry was in this.

William was all smiles, though, and that was all Harry needed to keep his attention mostly on food, and once he’d made enough for them all, he plated them, cutting Daisy’s in quarters and hesitating over the extra he’d made in case Eggsy wanted to feed William. Eggsy grinned and broke off tiny bits, handing them one by one to the boy to taste.

“How did you get so good with children?” Harry asked.

Eggsy smiled. “Well, Dais, for one,” he explained, “but I used to sit for the kids ‘round the estate. ‘Bout the only honest money I ever earned in me life.”

“You like kids, though.” Harry could see it, in the soft look Eggsy directed at the children in their care, in how much he fought to take missions where he’d get to help kids get better lives.

“Love ‘em. Always wanted a herd o’ me own, but … ain’t in the cards,” Eggsy admitted as William finished the last of his toastie portion and Harry began clearing their mess. “You wanna take care o’ this while I get these two playin’ a game?”

Harry nodded, and Eggsy carried William back out to the living room. Harry had learned long ago to listen to a more seasoned agent when on a mission; this was just an extension of that, he reasoned.

By the time he’d finished cleaning, there was something playing on the telly, and bright laughter floating through the house. Eggsy looked so content with William and Daisy, and he began to imagine keeping them all there, the domestic warmth something Harry had never expected.

In the living room, Eggsy was on the floor, William playing with a few stuffed toys while Daisy directed her brother’s actions. They looked so happy, and Harry melted a bit, taking a seat on the sofa to watch them play. William was _smiling_ and Daisy was smiling and _Eggsy_ was smiling. Harry smiled as well, especially when Daisy handed him a doll and got him involved in the story, some weird thing that made no sense to anyone but her.

“I rather wonder at what you’re letting her watch,” Harry commented to Eggsy when aliens came down to crash Barbie’s Birthday Bash.

“We watch the good shit, yeah? No borin’ cartoons for me best girl!” Daisy giggled, miming a doll bursting from her stomach, and Harry rolled his eyes. “She loved _Aliens_ , yeah?”

“That’s hardly an appropriate movie for a child.”

“Ain’t you a fun-sucker, then?” Eggsy replied, lifting William in his arms and holding him aloft amid the boy’s shrieks and laughs. “Well, fine, then, we’ll limit our cool-down activity to sommat Disney, then.”

“Much appreciated, Eggsy. I’m quite sure my brother will be likewise relieved to know his infant son will be able to continue sleeping through the night.”

Eggsy winked at Harry as he got up from the floor, still holding William in his arms. Daisy kept Harry pinned down, using him as a mountain for her grand quest across the zombie-filled wasteland that she was creating.

Clearly, she was also a fan of _Dawn of the Dead_ , and Harry was going to have to have words with his protégé over appropriate viewing material for young children.

But he _did_ put on _Meet the Robinsons_ , and Daisy’s display of death and destruction was forgotten at the sight of Lewis’s peanut-butter-and-jelly gun. William, too, was entranced by the bright colours and happy music, and the four of them climbed onto the couch to snuggle together for the movie. William was worn out from the playing; he fell asleep quickly, and Daisy didn’t try to keep her eyes open much longer.

“Thank you,” Harry said softly, once Daisy was curled up in his lap and deeply asleep. “I don’t think I could have done this alone.”

“Nah, s’no bother, is it?” Eggsy replied, eyes soft as they shyly glanced at Harry. “He’s cute. Got your nose—sure you ain’t sleep with your sister-in-law?” he added playfully. Harry made a face; even the idea was too distasteful to entertain.

“I assure you, my twin brother is the only one brave enough to sleep with a woman of Bridget’s calibre,” he said primly, and Eggsy snorted.

“I’m kiddin’, guv. I know you’s more like to fall into Merlin’s bed than any girl around.” Eggsy sighed then, gently leaning to the side until his shoulder bumped against Harry’s. It was so natural for Harry to turn his head and press a gentle kiss to Eggsy’s temple, breathing in the scent of his shampoo—it smelled like bubble-gum; he must’ve used his sister’s that morning.

“Or mine. If you wanted.”

Harry wanted. He did.

“Later,” Harry promised, and Eggsy’s face turned to meet him for a soft kiss.

Right then, with two sleeping children in their arms and the movie softly playing in the background, Harry thought he didn’t even need more than this.

He’d thank his brother for the unintended relationship help later.


End file.
